Erenlai - Identity and Self-Realization 認同感與自我實現
Identity and Self-Realization 認同感與自我實現

Identity and Self-Realization 認同感與自我實現

 

 

Where do I come from? Where do I go?... These contributions offer tools to explore the complexities of identity, overcome contradictions and recognize one’s true self.

你的文化認同感很薄弱嗎?這裡的文章帶領你探索認同感的建立、矛盾的根源與自我意義的覺察。

 

 

週四, 10 四月 2014

中國式學中文

我的姓名是保爾,今年18歲。雖然我生於法國南部,但我從出生就生活在中國。早在1996年的十月份我與我的家庭來到了上海,我當時才9個月大。在讀了幾年的法國幼兒園后,在我六歲時,家長決定讓我去讀一個當地的中國小學。我在那所小學讀了五年,之后我到一所當地的中學讀到了初二。隨后,我隨我的家庭搬家到北京了,並且也離開了中國的教育系統,進入了以英國系統為主的耀中國際學校。

多年以來,為了達到我現在的漢語水平,可以說我下了很多功夫,但是這不是我一個人能做到的。我從許多人那裡得到了幫助和支持,正是他們的幫助與支持激勵我堅持努力學習。我把我所獲得的幫助與支持分類為三個類別:我的家長,我的老師與上海的教育系統。他們各有優勢,以不同的方式幫助我學會說流利的普通話。

剛開始學習漢語時,不僅我有很大困難,我母親也感到困難重重-----因為她還得擔當家教的角色。每天晚上,她站在我身后看著我寫作業,叫我刻苦再刻苦。我母親在來到中國的時候已經學習過漢語一段時間。六年后,為了幫我,她又一次重溫了漢語。

我在小學的第一年一直努力要趕上我的同學。每晚,我的母親會反復地逼著我花至少一個半小時練習我的寫作與閱讀。書寫記憶是最佳的記憶方式﹔每當我在課上學到了一個新的字或詞,我母親會逼著我把它們至少寫十幾次,直到我能很清楚地寫出來。至於我們課堂上所學習的課文,母親會讓我坐下來至少朗讀三遍。還有,母親也會經常給我聽寫詞語,幫助我培養記憶。總而言之,老師布置讀一遍課文時,母親會理解“讀三遍”﹔假如老師讓我們把詞語抄十遍,母親會理解“抄三十遍”。

看著母親這麼勞累地幫助我,我有合作嗎?一點也沒有,我當時才六歲,並不能理解這努力的結果是多麼的重要。首先,母親不在房間裡盯著我的話,我會拒絕做任何功課,使她必須每晚一直陪著我。其次,我非常討厭一次又一次的朗讀課文,所以我也發現了幾個避免朗讀這麼多的技巧。比如說,我會讀一個字空一個字,甚至會讀一句話空一句話的讀。但是母親有時會發現我在作弊,我就得重新開始。最終,母親和我會經常爭論是否需要再一次的做今晚的聽寫。現在回過頭來看看我讀小學的頭幾年,它們不但充滿了憤怒和眼淚和矛盾,也有著努力學習后的滿足的感受。那幾年的確很辛苦,但我可以肯定他們是值得的,有效的,而且我永遠不會后悔。

我個人認為在我讀小學的頭幾年,母親變成了一個純粹的上海虎媽。所有其他同學的家長是非常刻苦的教育他們的孩子,並且給他們身上很大的壓力,因此整個班級的競爭氣氛非常濃。在某種程度上,也可以說母親給我的壓力轉化為了學習的動力。

總體上,我認為沒有我母親不斷的激勵著我,推著我學習再學習,我肯定不能適應當地小學的第一年,更別提學會說流利的普通話。是她真正地為我打牢了學習另一種語言的基礎。

在八年的中國教育系統中,有三位老師教過我漢語,周老師是我一至三年級的老師,沈老師是我四至五年級的老師,而吳老師教了我初中至初二的漢語。沈老師與吳老師在我的學習經歷中起到了很關鍵的作用,但是周老師並沒有這麼關鍵。

首先,讓我們回到我上那當地小學的第一年。當時我在家裡已經與我們的阿姨學會了幾句普通話,可以參與到簡單的討論中。但是現在我所有的同學,老師於課堂都要說普通話,那是非常不容易的。請允許我講一個小故事,幫助你們了解我當時的漢語水平。開學的第一堂課,周老師決定讓全班玩詞語接龍這游戲。輪到我說的時候,我卻不知道該干什麼,我的詞匯量並不大,所以就輕輕的重復了上一個學生說的那一個詞。但周老師卻堅持要我自己說一個詞。我慢慢的把頭縮進脖子裡,呆呆的看著老師。似乎是過了一個小時后老師才嘆了一口氣去問下一個學生。現在回過頭看那件事,我並不認為周老師意識到了我在這嶄新的中國環境中是多麼的失落。但是說一句公道的話,我是那所小學的第一個小法國男孩,她可能缺乏教國外孩子的經驗。

過了幾個月,周老師漸漸理解了我的困難,因此她建議我每一周至少有一個晚上放學后留在學校參加補課。補課時,老師會為我與其他幾位同學重新講解課上所學過的知識,也常常會給我們聽寫。

不幸的是,周老師雖然是一位非常善良的老師,而且還很支持我,但她從沒有相信我有一天會講流利的漢語。他從沒有相信我,一個金頭發小男孩,能完成一個這麼大的任務。正是因為她沒有完全的相信我,我也就受到了影響,使得我沒有盡我的全力學習漢語。她給了我一個借口,“既然我是外國人,就不可能流利的說漢語”。還記得有一次我考了一個相當理想的成績,周老師在課上表揚我,說“保爾,作為一個外國人考這個成績是非常好的。”但我認為,這裡面隱含了——我,作為一個外國人,隻能做到這麼好——的意思,但是也把我與其他的中國同學隔離了。他們是中國人,我是外國人,兩回事。學生之間必須有一定競爭力,這樣可以使得他們相互被激勵,想要成功。周老師這麼把我分離到一邊,表示我無法與其他的中國學生競爭。

當我到了四年級,我的漢語老師換成了沈老師,他用了一個相當不同的方法。他教了我不到幾個星期以后,他就懂了我為什麼我的成績不是很好:我並沒有竟我的全力工作。於是,有一次他把我帶到一旁,說:“保爾,你與班級裡的中國同學沒有任何差別,他們所作做到的你也可以做到,隻要你刻苦的學習,你肯定會流利的說,寫漢語,就像任何中國人。”這改變了一切﹔我再也不是那個馬馬虎虎勉強學漢語的外國人,我現在隻是一個在刻苦學習漢語的中國人。沈老師的提醒讓我相信我自己,我自覺到我沒有任何人差,隻需要多學習一些就會沒問題。在這一方面,沈老師也幫助了我。

他並沒要求我放學留在后面參加補課,那是因為每一個周二晚上我和沈老師會一起回他的家,花一個多小時給我上特別的補習課。我從小就一直在閱讀文章回答問題上有困難。沈老師耐心的教我怎麼先把文章割成幾段去分析,並且則麼找出適合的答案。還有一次,我們花了一晚解讀報紙裡一份描述一個足球比賽的文章,為了教我怎麼寫好關於足球的作文。最終,我當時有困難記住復雜的字,經常會寫錯筆字。他建議我把整個字給拆開,記住每一個小部首,並連起來一起背。至今,每當我在寫德國的“德”,我還會默默的說“十四一心”來記住右側則麼寫。

有時他也會然我感到吃驚,親手為我准備拉面。看著沈老師這麼的關心我的成就促使我更佳努力,刻苦工作。今天我能夠站在這裡講話的原因之一是沈老師。他是真正相信我的第一位老師,並且他從沒有把我是外國人這個因素放在心上。

我到了初中時,已經把自己看成一個純粹的中國人了,不,更具體一些,一個純粹的上海人,因為兩者是有差別的!

在初中,我的漢語老師是吳老師。他是一位年齡稍大的很有耐心的人,我從第一天就喜歡上了他。開學的第一節漢語課,他看到我,一個金頭發的男孩坐在一個三十多人的班級裡,雖然有一些驚訝,但沒有說任何特別的話,非常自然的開始上第一節課。中學是學生開始學習文言文與古詩的時候。對於我來說,語文課很快變成了一個噩夢。其他學生很自然的可以理解文言文的基本意思。我呢,要不是文本旁邊的插圖,我就完全看不懂。很自然的,我親愛的補課又回來了。從初中一直到初二,每一周的周三我會放學留在學校與其他幾個學生上補習課。補課時,吳老師會重新講解文言文,幫助我們做更深刻的理解,也會時常的給我們做聽寫。

又一次,就像前幾年的沈老師,吳老師把我看成一個普通的中國學生,考試考好了不會受到多余的夸獎,考砸了也不會看在我是外國人的份上而不批評我。在某種程度上,受到任何形式的特殊對待反而會激怒我!有一次,我的數學老師在課上表揚了我,說“保爾的數學成績有進步。再說,漢語不是保爾的第一語言,這對他來說時不容易的。”我不由的感到我的自信受到了冒犯。我並不想以一個外國人的身份在某寫課程有進步﹔我要以一個中國人的身份有進步!我並不想享有額外的特權。我當時已經自認為是中國人,並不這樣認為的人會是我生氣,因為我認為他們並沒有認可我學漢語的苦干。

最終,真正幫助我學到流利的中文的老師是那些把我看成一個普普通通的中國學生的那些老師。

我也想講到中國教育系統是怎麼幫助我的。我發覺到中國的教育系統幾乎完全基於記憶。無論是在視覺上,口頭上還是書寫上,記憶是學習漢語的重要組合。我知道有些人把這叫做“死記硬背”,但我並不認為這是“死記硬背”,這真的隻是簡簡單單的記憶學習。

在我八年的中國學校學習生涯中,沒有一晚不在抄寫新詞,或背詩,或者單純的朗讀課文。一個最基本的語文功課就是在本子裡抄新詞或詩。我認為是沒有辦法逃避這一點﹔學習漢語必須通過用自己記憶力。早在小學裡,我們已經要學會背誦大段的課文。到了初中,我們每隔一周會學一個新的詩,也要學會背誦。最終,每周至少會有一次聽寫,考驗學過的詩詞等。這些聽寫也有一個競爭力的因素,因為最底層的同學需要用休息時間來糾正自己的錯誤。

記憶力並不是學習漢語的第一步﹔這是講漢語的一個持續的過程。為了記住腦子裡的幾千個字詞,必須經常練習。我在小學二年級時,我們有三個月暑假,當我回到學校時,老師讓我考一個了小測驗。我還記得非常清除我考了一個4分,百分之四。我連本子的“本”都忘了怎麼寫!

就連現在,每個暑假我從法國回來時,必須花一段時間在辭典裡找詞。 

我已經講到了不少幫助我學會漢語東西。有記憶力,在家裡的苦干與被老師視為“中國人”,但這一切還是不夠。在學習講流利漢語的路程中,最后一步是你走到街上的第一步。我的意思是學習漢語時,必須要到街上與中國人口交流。請允許我更深刻的解釋:教漢語的老師通常有非常優秀的語法和發音,講話幾乎沒有口音並且肯定不會課上用俗語。可是我們不能否認,一個語言不能缺少它許多不同口音的方言的魅力,與其它所有的俚語的神秘感。

在握學習漢語的過程中,一個非常重要的步驟是當我開始與街上的認溝通。無論是誰,一個出租車司機,一個陌生人,小區的保安。與他們溝通是,我注意到了很多細節,不同人的口音,所用的助詞,不同組織句子的方式。我也注意到我課上所學過的詞則麼在日成生活裡可以使用。這有助於發展我的語言,怎麼把我的語言適應於不同的場合。

我學習寫,說流利的漢語的路途雖然是困難和充滿情緒的,但是歸根結底它是有回報的。幾個關鍵點是記憶,被視為一個中國人,在家裡努力並且在外面頻繁的練習。

 

攝影 | 笨篤

週五, 15 三月 2013

生命的甘霖——《愛神來了怎知道?》


(圖片來源:開眼電影網)

片名∣《愛神來了怎知道?》(
De vrais mensonges
導演皮耶薩爾瓦多利Pierre Salvadori
出品年份∣2010
台灣上映時間∣2011
 

撰文∣沈秀臻

週二, 19 六月 2012

Rediscovering Taiwan through wall art

The new wall art team Bihuadui is encouraging artists from Taiwan to reconnect with their roots and include elements of Taiwanese culture in their art. It addresses some of the problems such as isolation of the artists and estrangement from one's own culture by promoting collaboration between artists and painting in unusual locations.We talk to some of those artists about their opinions on the team.

 

週三, 23 五 2012

Ash's puppet world

On August 28th 2011, eRenlai went to Taipei's Wolong29 theater to see a puppet show directed by Ash. On the spot, just after the performance, we interviewed Baptiste, an actor and a puppeteer in the show about his first impressions of being in an experimental play.

週一, 30 四月 2012

Kung Fu and Animation

Jean-Jacques was born in Paris and raised in Brussels, Belgium, where he spent most of his lifetime with his taiwanese parents. He has 2 passions in his life : animation, and chinese traditional arts. He graduated in Brussels from the famous national art university called La Cambre, where he majored in animation and film direction.

A few years ago, he rediscovered step by step and from a distance his Chinese cultural roots and history, through movies, litterature, arts, martial arts, and even cooking; and gradually he fell in love with it. He strongly believes this happened only because he lived at the other end of the world from his roots, hence the need to discover them in order to figure out who he was.

He came back to Taiwan 4 years and half ago in order to find a job in animation, and has since then been an animation freelancer, working for several MVs, ads, and also storyboarding for a taiwanese anime feature movie and TV series projects, as well as a role as a special FX artist for the same TV series project.

Eventually, he aims to direct a feature animation movie or series which would have the dynamics and rythm of japanese anime, blended with the aesthetic and philosophic aspect of the traditional chinese paintings. Two of the prototypes for his goal are his last student movie : The sword and the brush.

Alternate for readers in China

 


More links about JJ and his work

https://plus.google.com/u/0/102700425883688171486/posts

http://www.facebook.com/jeanjacques.chen

http://ardes-prod.blogspot​.com/
https://picasaweb.google.com/home
http://jayjackiechen.devia​ntart.com/

Watch here JJ's MV for DJ Code

 

週三, 28 三月 2012

The Oceanic Feeling

All marine ecosystems are in constant flux, affected by external influences and short-term disruptions as well as by seasonal cycles. Those who live within an oceanic environment necessarily see the world in a different way from those who dwell in the plains, highlands or mountains. Sudden and unexpected changes foster the representation of distant divine beings whose behavior is unpredictable; the sense of uncertainty generated by the environment encourages flexible strategies, rather than linear thinking. Nowhere is this truer than in the Pacific Ocean, which covers a surface larger than the one occupied by all land areas, and which accounts for eighty percent of the islands of the globe.

In the Pacific world, the ocean is the continent: the sea constitutes the natural environment for all forms of life, it is also the vector of communication... A writer from Tonga, Epeli Hau'ofa (1939-2009) has spoken of a "sea of islands', a sea that unites rather than divides, a sea that is a lived story: for the ocean moves and breathes in those born on its banks like the salt in the sea and the blood within the body. The immense ocean also dwells within the narrow limits of a human body, allowing man to travel into himself in the same way he embarks for finding other islanders.

All this may remind us of what the writer Romain Rolland called, in his correspondence with Freud, the"Oceanic feeling.” Through this expression he was trying to encapsulate a feeling of infinity that goes beyond all structured religious belief. Nowadays, Romain Rolland’s “Oceanic feeling” has become little more than a footnote in the history of religious psychology. Freud was not very appreciative:  "How foreign to me are the worlds in which you move! Mystique is as closed to me as music” he wrote to Rolland – who replied, "I can hardly believe that mysticism and music are foreign to you. I rather think that you are afraid of them, as you wish to keep the instrument of critical reason unblemished.”

Going a step beyond Romain Rolland, one may say that the presence of God in the soul is like the triumphant sound of the waves - and this “like” means two things at once: first, it speaks of the universal nature of spiritual experience; and second, it recognizes the fact that no comparison can account for the way God makes himself present within the depths of man. What the Oceanic feeling helps us understand is that joy arises in our soul always as something nascent. The joy that comes like the light of the day within the darkness of our depths is sung and evoked by the movement of an ocean everlasting and yet nascent, by the rhythm of the waves engraving and erasing their writings on the sand with a finger trembling and yet assured. Eventually, the Oceanic feeling lets us glimpse the mystery of the birth of God within the soul: a gift eternally offered – and always new.

Illustration by Bendu


週五, 24 二月 2012

Between progress and regression

We have a clear-cut idea of what the words “progress” and “regression” point to: a student’s marks are showing academic progress, or they indicate that he is regressing in his class ranking; economic indexes measure how much a country is growing or if it is entering recession; after a certain age, our physical and intellectual abilities are regressing… And so, we grade ourselves as we move up or down the ladder, and we measure accordingly other people, institutions and societies.

Grades, indexes and measurements are certainly useful tools. Still, they cut into reality in ways that sometimes make us blind to the complexity of the phenomena we try to assess. The very fact that my abilities are regressing can actually be a factor of maturation, of reconciliation with my personal history, my limits and my achievements if I peacefully come to terms with the transformations that age or illness impose on me. A country’s economic growth often goes with cultural and humane regression when it destroys social structure and community values. Academic tests are rarely able to assess the whole process of intellectual, moral and emotional growth that a student is undergoing. Life mixes into a whole progress and regression, as the chaff and the wheat grow together on the field. Better not to try to separate them before the time of the harvest…

Progress and regression only make sense within dynamic processes that change the one into the other - and conversely. A short-time regression often triggers long-term progress. This is the case when it comes to affective and emotional maturation: an affective setback often comes with a period of regression - the mind closes on itself, closes on its wounds. However, when and if subsumed, setbacks become a force for greater self-understanding as well as for nurturing empathy. The one who ignores setbacks and does not experience regressions runs the risk of seeing one’s success end up as one’s ultimate failure, as he has most probably lived an existence estranged from his true self.

Does it mean that progress and regression just equate? No. Ultimately, we are meant to strive for success. But the texture of success is much richer and subtler than we usually imagine. It is interwoven with the threads of our setbacks, failures and regressions, which also serve to compose the shades and nuances of one’s personal achievement. When life seems to be going downhill, let us take solace in the fact that we progress towards the realization of our true self in a way that is uniquely ours – and our ultimate triumph is the uniqueness we achieve throughout the struggles that will have shaped our life.

Illustration by Bendu

 

週三, 15 二月 2012

Darkness in the City of Light

Let’s go beyond the glamour of Paris. Last summer was for me the occasion to rediscover the splendour of the French capital and to meet Françoise Gardes who cares for those travelers without return tickets who run aground on the banks of the river Seine with nothing in their pockets but the hope of asylum.

週二, 17 一月 2012

CEFC Files: National Identity in the History of Taiwanese Film

Wafa Ghermani is currently a doctorate candidate in cinema studies (La Sorbonne and Lyon Universities). She focuses on the evolution of identities in Taiwanese film history since 1895 (the beginning of the Japanese colonial era) until today. She explains here how she delimited her field of research and gives some of its oultines while retracing for us briefly the timeline of cinema in Taiwan.

週四, 29 十二月 2011

Deflower

This is the trailer of the film I realized last summer.

"Clasping your consciousness
your back turned to the beast, 
you hide in a dark, dank hole.

Wake before the rotting of the flesh,
Deflowered."

週二, 27 十二月 2011

自由花

2011 10月3日,我們被邀請到法國南部"馬賽"演出高郁宜舞蹈作品「自由花」。

「自由花」由兩段不同的夢境,揉為一瞬美好澄明的光影。

我們要前往遙遠未知的目的地,人漸漸的離去,
我看見自己的悲傷卻感到異常美好。
夢裡,大家已死去,寧靜平和的聚在黑暗當中;當事物只剩

下本質,從黑暗裏望出去的只有光明。

了無生機的沙灘兀自豎立的枯枝,萌出了新芽兒…
希望你,與我一同走進,共同存在和發生的當下之中。

 


表演全長約四十分鐘

編導 / 舞者:高郁宜
製作 / 音樂:楊子頡
影像 / 舞台:鄭晴心

高郁宜談自由花:

「『自由花』是我第一個自編自導自跳的『作品,然而一切都是從我跟Satyana和Pinti的討論開始的...我們決定各自做一個作品,然後我的腦中就開始充滿了各種畫面包括劇本、舞台設計、場景、燈光、戲服、音樂。提到音樂是我唯一遺憾的部份,這五次的演出後有觀眾來問我為什麼大部份用西方音樂,一方面是自由花的每個部份是同步的在我腦中不斷生長,我無法同時跟一個音樂人溝通。另一方也顯示了台灣在我這一代的音樂便是如此。

回到主題,『自由花』這個作品就在騎機車、記憶中、小時候的畫本裡、夢中、刷牙時、討論中、刹車時....形成了現在這個樣貌。在心理準備方面則是不斷從生活中的各種小細節裡交換養份得來。

舞踏原本始於對西方舞蹈與社會的反叛性,而這種反叛性於今對我來說是在日常生活的態度中對於喜、怒、哀、樂這些生命重量的一種反思。而舞蹈是我熱情與喜悅的源頭,同時也是做為探索挖掘未知且真實的自己的一條途徑。

我很感謝子頡與Pinti在不同方面給我的協助
舞蹈、音樂我尚蓋愛! 我們永遠不會分開!」

 

週二, 27 十二月 2011

The Gift of Attentiveness

At the beginning of a new year, what wish do I want to express for myself and for the people whom I know and love? Let me think… Maybe, you’ll consider my wish to be rather unambitious (but think twice); I just wish all of us to cherish and nurture a tiny little virtue – a virtue often neglected: Attentiveness. Attentiveness to what? Well… to nothing in particular. Pure attentiveness. Attention to anything that may happen, to silence as well as music - to the changes that are occurring within oneself, society, the cosmos… Or, maybe, if such attentiveness is truly to be assigned an object: attention to the current of life that runs within the depth of my inner being.

There are privileged moments when the breeze of the night, the smell of incense or an unexpected moment of solitude will suddenly free us from our occupations. Our social Self is no longer our center. We calmly descend into depths that we had not explored yet, discerning layers of feelings and existence that challenge the way we used to perceive ourselves. This might happen indeed at specific, privileged times, but it is always prepared by long periods of maturing – periods that may have been marked by troubles and sorrow as well as by peace. Things just happen within us because we have been attentive, even if we were not fully conscious of the attentiveness we were exerting. Pure attention is not truly an effort we make - rather it is a state into which we enter. And the abyss of life opens up at some point, so that we may penetrate the inner grottoes, and contemplate the running water that bring us to our Origin.

In keeping with the water metaphor: Looking at the sea from the shore, till the waves have become the very music of our soul, may tell us something about entering pure attentiveness. The peace that comes from our surrendering to the current of life makes the same sound as the waves do. Taken into the interplay between the waves, the sand and the wind, we experience the innermost and outermost of our Being – what is more external to me than the external world, what is more internal to me that my most secret thoughts, all fuse into One…

In the ordinary situations of our life it is often very difficult to sense this secret world that inhabits us. We rather feel prisoners of a courtyard of bricks and mortar, and have to take solace from the rarefied foliage of a lonely tree… Still, Hope helps us to grow in the virtue of attentiveness, so as to make us able to fracture the closed walls of our courtyard. Here is my wish for you, dear readers of Renlai and of eRenlai: in 2012, may you be rewarded of your efforts at patience, hope and attention, so as to experience anew the current of life that runs deep within the universe, within humankind, and within your own souls…

Painting by Bendu

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