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When I first learnt that I was going to be a father, I didn't really figure out all the implications. I just got the deep feeling that it was the start of something totally new, totally different, the beginning of a long process that would change everything. I felt I would change too, smoothly but definitely. A peaceful wave of joy in my heart was giving me a new strength in facing that situation. But also more realistic thoughts came in my mind later, like cost, convenience, freedom, future…
What made me really realize my fatherhood for the first time is the moment I saw him on the screen of the ultrasound scan. Usually, the doctor will let you hear your baby heartbeats by increasing the sound' level of the machine. At that time, I truly understood that he was already alive, hearing his heart beating strong and trying to guess the whereabouts of his head, body etc...It was an intense experience and It was impossible to ignore the very concrete fact anymore.
Still, I’m not sure how being a father would affect me. It's always difficult to judge one-self and to clearly understand any change happening. I think I started a subtle evolution in terms of attitude toward a lot of issues, concepts and life difficulties. Thinking will maybe become more assertive because of the new responsibility of being a father, but basically, the main change dwells in the way you will face life. To be a father will drive you toward more balanced and positive feeling. You're not alone anymore, so you are no longer willing to put yourself at risk as if it was only you alone. Difference resides in the fact that someone who's helpless to survive needs you and that it's your responsibility to assure his survival and growth. And it's your own son. Facing that responsibly, you will start to focus on his needs; you will try to give him the best and will slightly forget for a while your own needs, frustration, failures and eagerness for achievement and success. I've read somewhere something that deeply impressed me: "when a baby was born, he needs enough love to convince himself to stay alive". I think that describes the situation well.
Furthermore, I believe in the equality of both parents in their responsibilities. I don't believe that the one who sacrifices more for the education of the baby must be the mother while the father is free from that. In our globalized world where traditional values are increasingly challenged by modern ways of life, economics and environmental pressures, flexibility is the key to balance and to share responsibilities to maximize family resources and comfort. There's no rigid scheme anymore about how parents should share responsibilities and assume predefined roles.
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